The Art of the Business Haiku

I worked for about 2 years at a client site with some really great, funny people. Anyway, this whole thing kinda started when I was trying to get a winzip key, as we were using the trial version at the time.  Now, the trial version forces you to wait a long time before the program opens, which can be quite frustrating. I hadn’t gotten any response on my emails to resolve the issue, so I finally sent in a haiku. After that we started writing haikus more frequently and I’m happy to be able to look back on about 2 years worth of work-related poetry. Here are the ones I could find:

Regarding Winzip and its software key:

Ben’s:

Trial versions suck

To unzip files without wait

Sublime fantasy.

Ben (Later in time):

Our key has vanished

The fantasy has ended

The dream is shattered.

Eric’s response:

My WinZip is fine.

Are you perhaps on QA?

Let’s restore the dream

Regarding Germophobic company softball players:

Ben’s:

Lysol lover boy,

Dirty softballs make him cry

His can is empty

Regarding the hiding of a laptop power cord and Eric’s disgust of Altron:

Ben:

Mighty Dunto Libre!

Pride cometh before the fall

Writer’s cramp, after.

Eric:

Missing power cords

Left alone without a care

Totally wasteful

Regarding profects, Eric’s heroism, and Chicago winters:

Ben’s:

Profects come at me

I assign them to Eric

Dark clouds disappear.

Eric’s:

Alton and Restie

Making plans for future weeks

Chicago Winters

Regarding a short message, and missed Haiku opportunities:

Tina’s:

What a bad haiku

I expected more from Ben

Disappointment flows.

Ben’s:

Status with Tina.

I bring my spreadsheet with hope

Push back my build dates

Regarding the zealous editing of test scripts and the poor attaching skills of the tester:

Ben’s:

Test Docs should Beware!

Her highlighter seeks and strikes.

Sheriff’s back in town.

Tina’s:

The ghost attacher

Intended docs are no where

They float, dead in space

Regarding compliments bestowed on Altron and his fear of pofects and abandonment:

Tina’s:

Ben is a rock star

He knows the way of the data

Wind blows through Corptax

Ben’s:

Mighty data warrior,

Impending pofects frighten!

Tears soak my keyboard

Regarding the closing of PCS’s and of liberties taken with the traditional haiku structure:

Tina’s:

You can close PCS

After you migrate your tasks

Actions are pending

Click click the things done

Seek verbal confirmations

One-Five-Four-One-OH

Ben’s response:

PCS is closed

Cleansing winds clear my dashboard

And migrates my soul

Tina’s insolent reply:

Hmm I sense some strife

Disagreement lies within

Your subject and verb

These parts of speech

live harmoniously here

within Werber poems

Ben’s first response:

Obey the format!

One haiku for one message.

They’re not paragraphs.

Ben’s second attempt:

Two poems sewn into

A Frankenstein of meaning

Abomination!

Tina’s reply:

Frankenstein is right

A monster is created

Your poems are bastards

Regarding haiku requests, and the subsequent disappointment of the requestor:

Ben’s:

The Dunton he schemes!

Sowing discontent and strife

Tears fill my inbox

Ben’s response to the disappointed party:

Steven Troy is sad

“Wah! I want a new Haiku!”

Well here it is…jerk.

Eric’s response:

I fear you’ve hurt Steve

Ben is now the one with shame.

Ice encrusted heart!

Ben’s response:

I can feel no shame.

I sit beneath my shame tree

And think jerkish thoughts.

Regarding the proper taunting of your opposing team:

Tina’s:

Migration issue

Server crashes silently

No ping, beeper cries

Frustrations abound

Salvation is in winning

Let’s beat I and O!

Eric:

E. Dunton will play.

Softball without him would be

A wintry grave

Regarding the abandonment of sushi plans, a lonely hero, and his subsequent redemption:

Ben’s:

Promises broken.

Ben eats his sushi alone

Sadness fills each bite.

Eric’s:

Too little, too late

For Ben eats without Christine.

Tears fall with each bite.

Christine’s:

Oh hell no, Eric.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Sushi on Wednesday.

Ben’s:

Cecile and Stacey

Save me from a lonely lunch.

Sun shines through dark clouds.

Christine’s:

Poets we all are

Collect all Haikus we must

Money to be made….

Cecile’s:

Altron rejected

Stacey and Cecile rescue sad Altron

Hero’s job is done.

 

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