The Art of the Business Haiku

I worked for about 2 years at a client site with some really great, funny people. Anyway, this whole thing kinda started when I was trying to get a winzip key, as we were using the trial version at the time.  Now, the trial version forces you to wait a long time before the program opens, which can be quite frustrating. I hadn’t gotten any response on my emails to resolve the issue, so I finally sent in a haiku. After that we started writing haikus more frequently and I’m happy to be able to look back on about 2 years worth of work-related poetry. Here are the ones I could find:

Regarding Winzip and its software key:


Trial versions suck

To unzip files without wait

Sublime fantasy.

Ben (Later in time):

Our key has vanished

The fantasy has ended

The dream is shattered.

Eric’s response:

My WinZip is fine.

Are you perhaps on QA?

Let’s restore the dream

Regarding Germophobic company softball players:


Lysol lover boy,

Dirty softballs make him cry

His can is empty

Regarding the hiding of a laptop power cord and Eric’s disgust of Altron:


Mighty Dunto Libre!

Pride cometh before the fall

Writer’s cramp, after.


Missing power cords

Left alone without a care

Totally wasteful

Regarding profects, Eric’s heroism, and Chicago winters:


Profects come at me

I assign them to Eric

Dark clouds disappear.


Alton and Restie

Making plans for future weeks

Chicago Winters

Regarding a short message, and missed Haiku opportunities:


What a bad haiku

I expected more from Ben

Disappointment flows.


Status with Tina.

I bring my spreadsheet with hope

Push back my build dates

Regarding the zealous editing of test scripts and the poor attaching skills of the tester:


Test Docs should Beware!

Her highlighter seeks and strikes.

Sheriff’s back in town.


The ghost attacher

Intended docs are no where

They float, dead in space

Regarding compliments bestowed on Altron and his fear of pofects and abandonment:


Ben is a rock star

He knows the way of the data

Wind blows through Corptax


Mighty data warrior,

Impending pofects frighten!

Tears soak my keyboard

Regarding the closing of PCS’s and of liberties taken with the traditional haiku structure:


You can close PCS

After you migrate your tasks

Actions are pending

Click click the things done

Seek verbal confirmations


Ben’s response:

PCS is closed

Cleansing winds clear my dashboard

And migrates my soul

Tina’s insolent reply:

Hmm I sense some strife

Disagreement lies within

Your subject and verb

These parts of speech

live harmoniously here

within Werber poems

Ben’s first response:

Obey the format!

One haiku for one message.

They’re not paragraphs.

Ben’s second attempt:

Two poems sewn into

A Frankenstein of meaning


Tina’s reply:

Frankenstein is right

A monster is created

Your poems are bastards

Regarding haiku requests, and the subsequent disappointment of the requestor:


The Dunton he schemes!

Sowing discontent and strife

Tears fill my inbox

Ben’s response to the disappointed party:

Steven Troy is sad

“Wah! I want a new Haiku!”

Well here it is…jerk.

Eric’s response:

I fear you’ve hurt Steve

Ben is now the one with shame.

Ice encrusted heart!

Ben’s response:

I can feel no shame.

I sit beneath my shame tree

And think jerkish thoughts.

Regarding the proper taunting of your opposing team:


Migration issue

Server crashes silently

No ping, beeper cries

Frustrations abound

Salvation is in winning

Let’s beat I and O!


E. Dunton will play.

Softball without him would be

A wintry grave

Regarding the abandonment of sushi plans, a lonely hero, and his subsequent redemption:


Promises broken.

Ben eats his sushi alone

Sadness fills each bite.


Too little, too late

For Ben eats without Christine.

Tears fall with each bite.


Oh hell no, Eric.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Sushi on Wednesday.


Cecile and Stacey

Save me from a lonely lunch.

Sun shines through dark clouds.


Poets we all are

Collect all Haikus we must

Money to be made….


Altron rejected

Stacey and Cecile rescue sad Altron

Hero’s job is done.


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