Zombie Jesus and Friends

The writing muscles have seized up.  Atrophy sets in, then inconsistent sentence structure.  Poor subject/verb agreement soon follow and eventually all you’re left with, is a mass of run on sentences that vaguely describe an event that occurred over four months ago.  Oh well, fuck it.

Anyway, I figured it was time to sit down and start writing again before I pile up any more crap that’s worth writing about.  One such noteworthy accomplishment, that was missed during the many nights of working overtime and drinking at bars, was the inception of Zombie Jesus.

Zombies are kinda in vogue right now for some reason.  I’ve never really been much of a zombie guy, preferring instead to spend my time at the other end of the horror archetype spectrum with the vampires.  I guess zombies never really freaked me out because I figured I could always think my way out of a zombie outbreak.  Typically, zombies are slow, stupid, and you’re only really in a jam if you decide to hole up in an enclosed area that’s difficult to get out of without wading through a multitude of them.  In the event of a zombie attack, I might consider going camping, or a road trip to the nearest military base.

Anyhow, they’ve grown on me a bit as of late.  As a friend mentioned to me, the scary thing about zombies is: “it’s your friends and family.”  Hmm. Fair enough.  Also, while vampires almost embody “Cool” by definition, it will always be way cooler to get made up as a zombie in your free time than go the vampire route.  You see, no matter how cool your vampire outfit may be, it will inescapably be pretentious on some level, to dress up as one.  Sorry.  And this comes from someone who has dressed up as a vampire before…several times.

So, getting a little closer to the point, zombie pub crawls have been sprouting up all over the place over the last few months.  It’s an opportunity for people to get all gored up and wander the streets of Chicago, or their hometown, getting so shitfaced that they can take the makeup off and still look like a zombie.  In short, it looks like a lot of fun.  So, Easter comes around and its time to make an imperial IPA.  Since we were brewing on the day Jesus supposedly raised from the dead, we decided to jump on the bandwagon and made a beer in honor of Zombie Jesus.

Here are the ingredients:



1 oz Simcoe pellets

1 oz Warrior pellets

2 oz amarillo hop plug packages

1 oz glacier leaf hops

1 lb caramel 60L LBreiss (caramel/crystal speciality grains)

1 lb pale ale malt

2 Breiss Gold Unhopped Liquid Malt Extract

1 Bress Amber Unhopped Liquid Malt Extract

1 Northwest Ale Activator Wyeast SVY1332 4.25 oz



1.       Clean the fuck out of everything

2.       Steep speciality grains in 150-160 water for 30 min

3.       Strain into turkey pot

4.       Bring to boil, add warrior pellets

5.       Add 1 amarillo hop plug after 15 min of boil and then again every 15 min for 3 hop plugs in total

6.       Avoid pigeon’s crapping in your boiling wort if at all possible.

7.       5 min before finish add ½ oz simcoe pellets and glacier hops as well as ½ tsp irish moss

8.       Add cold water, until wort is at the 5 gallon mark and strain through hopback into the fermenter.

9.       Pitch yeast

10.   Shake carboy vigorously attempting to free it from the bucket it is now stuck in

11.   Give up on the prospect of dislodging the carboy from the bucket and move both into a dark corner.

OG: 1.08    FG: 1.015    ABV: Around 8%

We probably didn’t oxidize the beer as much as we should have.  So ultimately we ended up racking the beer twice in order to give it extra time for the yeast to process the sugars.  The end result was very decent.  We probably ended up with a little more yeast in the bottle than I would have liked and we probably could have either added extra malt or less hops to create a better balance.  However, when all is said and done, it is probably the best beer we’ve made so far.  Many many thanks to Nick for making us the kick ass label.

Onwards to the Pils.

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