Time to dust off the cobwebs. It seems to me that writing, like so many other activities, is much more painful to resume after an extended absence. Much has happened since I last posted and I’ve been kept busy with life and death, while my writing has fallen by the wayside. I’ve always tried to keep what I write here relatively lighthearted and to not delve too deeply into personal affairs. However, its thoughts of those things that has driven me to write today and now I can’t seem to stop my fingers from typing.
My grandmother passed away recently. She was quite possibly one of the sweetest and coolest people to ever grace this Earth and will be missed terribly. She passed away painlessly in her sleep, as she always wished, in a house filled with people who loved her. In her last few days, the cancer progressed quickly but we were still able to say our goodbyes and tell her how much she meant to us.
Death is a powerful thing. It’s hard to say how it will make us react. I remember the first wave of grief hitting like a hammer when I came home to find her bed empty and my parents folding away the sheets. However, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I still feel myself dealing with it in ways I don’t quite understand, and that’s probably why I’m writing this confessional now. In the days after her passing, I felt a powerful well of feeling right beneath the surface ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. It comes and goes in waves. I’ve felt empty. I’ve felt adrift and unable to pin it to any particular cause, just a general depression as the vacuum of her absence is felt. I don’t know how long this condition will last, but I do know clear as day that she wouldn’t want this mournful dirge as her rememberance so I’ll try to do a little better while closing off my thoughts.
Lorraine Hitt was one of the best people you could know. She was kind. She was funny. She was an impossibly good crossword puzzler. She was fascinated by the youth and infinitely cool. She was supportive. She was open minded. She was humble. She was a world class listener. She was one of the most perfect grandmothers you could hope for, and loved her family and friends immensely. She’ll be missed and her loss will be felt for much time to come.